Saturday, April 30, 2005

On Being "Fluffy"

I hope to later write about all of the medications that you have to be on after transplant, dedicating two posts to two drugs that really need to be talked about individually: iron and steriods. But until then, a word on one of the many side effects of steroids:

A couple of years ago, I learned the importance of eating breakfast. I'm not talking about a big breakfast with bacon and eggs and pancakes and sausage (barf), but just the importance of eating something. Even a granola bar in the morning can jump-start your metabolism and help you to maintain a healthy weight. I've always been much more of a grab-a-bagle-on-the-way-out-the-door kind of person, anyway.

This past March, my husband went out of town for a week on business. During that time, I discovered one of the best-kept secrets of West Nashville. There is a little gas station about a mile from my house that makes fresh muffins every morning. And they're cheap. And they're delicious. During the time he was gone, I spent $3 every morning on a diet coke and a blueberry muffin. Yummy. (That's what I call a champion breakfast!)

The cashier that was always on duty every morning was this older gentleman who is not anglo. My best guess is that he's middle eastern (Arabic or something). After I had been in there several days in a row, he decided to start up a conversation with me that went something like this:

Cashier Man: Oh! I am ohsoglad that you found our muffins. You know we make them fresh every day at 6 am.

Me: Yeah, they're great.

Cashier Man (as he rings me up): They are much better for you than donuts.

(Ok, I've gotta confess something here....I had been in there once before and gotten one of those little packages of powdered donuts. If I had known that he was keeping track of what I was eating, I probably would never have come back.....I mean, that's a little weird, right?)

Me: Yeah.......

Cashier Man: That'll be $2.67

Me: Ok

(Digging in my purse for money......)

Cashier Man: You know, I know you're married....

Weird thoughts from me: how does he know this???? I guess he saw my ring.....ok, keep digging for money...

Cashier Man continues: But men....men like to look at pictures of beautiful women on the posters and on the TV and on the computer......

And I'm getting a little weirded out at this post as I hand him the money.....I mean, where's he going with this???

Cashier Man keeps going: Beautiful women that are skinny and wearing almost nothing...but what they really want is a beautiful fluffy woman like you!

Sound of crickets chirping.......

At this point, I bite my tongue, force a smile, and walk out.

I sit in my car in silence for several minutes. I'm trying to force myself to think things like, "He was trying to compliment me....he was trying to compliment me...." But I put my diet coke in the cup holder, the muffin in the passenger seat, put my head down on the steering wheel and I cry.

I started to get angry. I wanted to walk back in and yell at him: "I'm only FLUFFY because I've had a liver transplant and I've been on steroids for 9 months!!! You have no IDEA what you're talking about! So far, I haven't met anyone that's gained less than 60 pounds!! I'm PROUD that I've only gained 20!!" Then I'd throw the muffin at him and stomp back to my car.

But, instead, I dried my eyes, took a sip of my diet coke, and drove to work, eating the muffin on the way.

12 Comments:

At 11:46 AM, Anonymous CSloan said...

You did well, I think you are alittle senstive about yourself right now. But that guys comment was completely out of line, and took you by surpise; I know. God Bless your strength, and may he continue to lift you up.

Heres a thought, he mentioned he likes to look at porn and other things. Thats an indication he is in need of Jesus. There is a great oppertunity to share the Gospel. Let God use this for his Glory.

 
At 1:02 PM, Blogger Amanda said...

Thanks, csloan.

You're right. I can be very sensitive about myself right now, but I also hope that people are able to see the humor in this post, as well. It's kinda hidden, but it's there. I mean, it's kinda funny that a guy that speaks very broken English called me "fluffy" as a compliment.

Also, about sharing Jesus with him, you are SO right. I should do that. Honestly, I haven't been able to go back to that gas station since this happened, but, hopefully, I can overcome that soon.

Thanks for the comment. :o)

 
At 2:07 PM, Blogger Clarissa said...

And I am fluffy without any such reason.

Bless you. I've only seen your story from a distance, but I don't doubt God is busy in your life. Thank you for sharing ...

 
At 4:28 PM, Anonymous Kat said...

Great idea, Manda Panda. And you were beautiful both pre- and post-transplant. You know I have my own issues with being "fluffy." You have the most important stuff going for you: Our Lord and your precious Rick.

Love ya bunches,
Kat

 
At 5:11 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am becoming fluffier too, but that's ok with me. Builds character. ;~)

I agree with csloan, what a wonderful opportunity to share with someone that could possibly not get to hear it from anywhere else.

You like his muffins, that's a good start for a conversation. Maybe take your husband with you though.

Memmy :~)

 
At 7:35 PM, Anonymous chuck said...

want me to pay him a visit? i like muffins too! I think God has placed a work in progress in your path...go for it...with His Spirit as your guide. waiting for the next installment

 
At 6:55 PM, Anonymous Kimby said...

You are so funny!!
I miss you so much.
When you get off those nasty steroids you will strut in to see Mr. ArabicCashier man and show him your non-fluffiness!
Fluffy or not fluffy, I love you!! Tons of people love you so much.
Your blog is awesome!!
I can't believe it's been almost a year since your transplant.
The world is a better place with you in it..

 
At 3:31 PM, Blogger Amanda said...

Kimby,

You're such a sweetheart. I really miss our chats.

Thanks for visiting my blog. Be sure to come back and talk to me more! :o)

 
At 11:03 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I guess I've always been fluffy... what a great descriptive term...

My mother, god bless her, thinks I'm some kind of heathen just because I don't go to church every day. God forbid! I got sick of all the hypocrisy and my-god-is-better-than-your-god load of garbage I saw in my church as I was growing up. Now when my mum starts her preaching when we talk on the phone I zone out, or skip past that crap in the email...

What I'm getting to is... if you're going to preach at the poor sod, don't get all high and mighty with him.

The thing that kills me is all the "religious" people I know fail miserably on the "Judge not..." rule.

 
At 7:57 AM, Blogger Amanda said...

Anon,

Thanks for visiting my blog. :o)

Trust me, I'm not the "preach to strangers" type. From my experiences, I've found exactly what you've said: that people will either zone out or listen once and then avoid you from then on out, thinking they're going to get preached at every time I see them. I'm much more of a "lead by example" type person.

I still haven't gone back to where he works. But, if one day I do, I won't tell him what a terrible sinner he is and that he's going to hell. That's not my style. I would much more likely prayerfully tell him that what he said hurt my feelings, and that there is a better way to live. If he wants to know more, he can ask me.

 
At 10:25 PM, Blogger Ax said...

Amanda,

You no longer accept anon comments. Was it something I said? hehe

I agree with leading by example - talk is cheap. See my blog for a reference that describes some of my values (my only blog entry). You wrote that Mr Gasman was complimenting you, although he was clumsy about it. He has quite likely forgotten the exchange that is seared into your memory. I would forget, forgive, and move on.

Hmmm, am I really the only person to suggest forgive!?!?

You are so young. I pray you have a full recovery and have a chance to live a long life.

Ax (was Anon yesterday)

 
At 8:30 AM, Blogger Amanda said...

Ax,

Humm...I don't know what happened to the anon poster option...I'll have to check that out.

You're probably right...he probably has forgotten what he said by now. Who knows. I would like to eventually go back and see if he even remembers me, but that will come with time.

Thanks for the comments!

 

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