Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Act Your Age!!!

So, I'm surfing around blog world and I find this site. You take a 10 question quiz and then it tells you what age you act. Here's mine:

You Are 28 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.
13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.
20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.
30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!
40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

Is there anything wrong with acting 28? No, not at all. That is, unless you're 23!

So, here's my dilema: I don't want to act 28. I want to be an irresponsible 23-year-old who goes out and parties with her friends and cares more about clothes and shoes than remembering to take her medication twice a day.

Wait a sec....back up a minute.....party? Did I say "party?" Why, yes, I did. The last 2 years have been so full of stress and pain and heartache that I just want to go and let it all out. My flesh is crying to be considered "normal." I don't want people to look at me funny when I tell them that I had a liver transplant. I don't want to be treated differently by my friends and family because they think that I can't stay out past 9:00pm because I can't physically handle it, or that every time I say I have a pain somewhere they think I'm rejecting my new organ. I don't want to be introduced as, "This is Amanda. She just had a liver transplant." Do people hear "Amanda?" No! All they hear is "liver transplant" and that's ingrained in their mind forever. They will never know my name. I'm wearing a big scarlet 'T.' I'm not a "normal" 23 year old, but I want to be.

But, then, I have another dilema because I am reminded of this passage:

The night is nearly over; the day is almost here. So let us put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light. Let us behave decently, as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and debauchery, not in dissension and jealousy. Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature. Romans 13:12-14

And I remember: when I feel my flesh crying out for "normalcy," what it really wants is to be in the world.

"The night is nearly over; the day is almost here," He whispers to me. What a promise. What hope He offers us.

"Wrap yourself in Me. Don't think about being "normal" by the world's standards, I love you more than they ever will," He reminds me.

So I keep trudging on. Slowly moving forward. I often end up taking steps back, but God is faithful, and He loves me. So, I go on living like a 28 year old, and I'm better off for it.


At 9:23 PM, Blogger Matt said...

"Is there anything wrong with acting 28? No, not at all. That is, unless you're 23!"


The post is great; I felt like I was reading an old diary when I read your post from today. I said almost the exact same things over and again (the only difference is that mine was due to a rather violent breakup to my parents' marriage). I think I was twenty-three when that happened too. Really, I remember saying to a friend, "When do I get to act like an irresponsible 23 year old?"

Thanks for posting to my blog. You said you understood what I am going through, and you seem to have hit the nail on the head with your post. I also know what you mean when you say that you don't want to be "Transplant Girl;" the superhero who can reject any organ. When I was first diagnosed with Crohn's Disease, I told my life group at church that I didn't want to be known as the guy with Crohn's. (Although, now I am having to fight being known as the superhero with no immune system, who can catch any disease--no matter how rare.) Actually, we may have been on some of the same medications, because my Crohn's treatment is designed to suppress my immune system.

I am sorry to be so wordy, especially since we haven't met. There are just so few people who really know what I am going through; so, I get a little wordy when I talk to someone who does know.

Thanks for the post on my blog, and I'll be checking yours now too. Let me know how you are doing--with your health. I know it's not always fun to talk about, but I would like to know a bit more if you are willing to share.

Matt Ward (Tnvolunteer81@hotmail.com)

P.S. Here is a quick health bio. for me. I have chronic migraines and kidney stones (which became a problem around age 23). I have Crohn's Disease, which they discovered last year. And I was recently hospitalized for pneumonia (that was caused by my immune system being too low).

At 6:00 AM, Blogger Tony Arnold said...

Amanda, I did not know you had a blog until you posted on mine, although I should have. Thank you for the insight. I learning much from blogs like Matt's and yours. They are great prep for trials I know will happen in my life. I have added your blog as a link on mine so that it may help others.

BTW--we miss seeing you and Rick too. We will just have to fix that won't we.

Go Party girl,
(we can always party like it is Jubilee or the 2nd Coming)

Tony's Blog

At 8:06 AM, Blogger Amanda said...

Tony and Matt,

Thank you guys so much for checking out my blog.


You make me laugh. :o) I, too, can catch very rare diseases, and I've had my own battles with CMV (which I saw that you talked about on your blog). We really do have quite a bit in common!


Thanks for linking to my blog. I did the same for yours.

And I'm all for a Jubilee party!

At 8:32 AM, Blogger Jana said...

Amanda! You're a blogging newbie, and you're already shared so much insight! Please continue writing and being honest and keep on "keepin' it real". I look forward to reading more of your thoughts.

At 9:00 AM, Anonymous Mr. K said...

Hi Amanda,

Your blog is very interesting to read. I know that you have been through alot and appreciate your willingness to help others understand your day to day struggles that we don't see. Even though I only know you through your posts on message boards and an occasional chat, you have such a vibrant spirit that I really have to remind myself that you do have some health issues. I just don't picture you as not being normal.

I took the age quiz and I got an age of 29. Then I took it again with a more mature attitude and got an age of 32. Actually I think I'm a responsible fuddy duddy 46 yr. old and the sponge bob question through the whole thing off. Take care.



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