Monday, June 13, 2005

Dirty Feet

In the Bible, the servants get all the credit. (Except for Martha...but that's another blog). Jesus was a servant. He even went as far as to wash the feet of his disciples. So we're all called to be foot-washers. Cool. I like that.

But I struggle because I have dirty feet. I don't like to admit it, and I don't want people to see, so I hide them. I mask it by washing someone else's feet. Someone needs a meal cooked? I'm there. Somone needs a night away from baby? I'll babysit. Homeless guy on the street is hungry? Here's some coupons for McDonalds. I've got the servant thing down. And I think it's because to be a servant, I don't have to humble myself.

Some people may have the opposite problem that I do. Some people may find it easy to be served, and more difficult to serve. We all have different struggles. Someone may not understand how I see making myself a servant puts me in a position of power. It separates the "haves" from the "have nots." I have time and a little extra money. The one I'm serving doesn't. It means that the person I'm serving has some kind of weakness, and I have the power to help them out of that situation.

I don't like exposing my dirty feet. It means that I have to give over my "power." My "I-can-do-it-all-without-any-help" attitude.

I know I had a liver transplant yesterday, but I don't need your help! I can make it to the bathroom by myself, thankyouverymuch!

Right. The truth is, I couldn't make it to the bathroom. I couldn't cook a meal. I couldn't do my own laundry. I couldn't do the normal day-to-day stuff that everyone takes for granted. People saw my dirty feet, and it forced me to become more humble. It forced me to rely on people that I never thought I would have to rely on for very simple things.

Thanks, Rick, for taking up the slack and being my support system over the last year.
Thanks, Mom and Dad, for staying with me and sticking it out with us.
Thanks, Grandma, for stroking my hair and cleaning me up after getting so sick from the iron.
Thanks, family and friends, for simply being there for us.
Thanks, Otter Creek, for the food, the visits, the cards, and the massive amounts of love and support you offered us.

You all saw my dirty feet, and you did an amazing job of washing them.

3 Comments:

At 5:49 AM, Blogger Jana said...

You hit the nail on the head, Amanda. I experienced the same kind of humbling last summer when I was in the throes of postpartum depression.

 
At 6:24 AM, Blogger Tony Arnold said...

Amanda,

I will blog not on your experience of being humbled by being served, although it is very humbling, but on your comments about serving.

I think you are too hard on yourself. You know your heart, we don't for sure. But what comes across to me and others is a humble spirit and a true heart of service. Anyway, just thought I would tell you what I see.

Tony

 
At 7:39 AM, Blogger Amanda said...

Jana,

Yep. It is a very humbling experience to realize that you need help. I guess it all boils down to issues with pride (at least for me, anyway).

Tony,

Thanks. I really do try to honestly serve people, but a lot of times my motives get twisted around. Sometimes I think it's Satan, because I'll go in with a pure motive, but by the time I'm finished with a project, all of the kinds of thoughts that I just blogged about flood my mind. Sometimes I really do walk away thinking how easy it is for me to serve someone. I am truly humbled when I see one that I have served serving someone else because I know that person is giving out of their difficulties. I tend to serve when things are going good for me. I had an experience in Jellico like that.

Hummm....maybe that's another blog for another day....

 

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