Friday, July 29, 2005

Part VI

So I ate. A lot. Of everything.

I knew I was going to be fine, so I didn't pace myself. It had been so long that I could eat anything without dreading the effects that it would soon have on me, so I enjoyed every second of it. My first trip was to Red Lobster (yes, even after all of that fish!). I ate crab and cheddar bay biscuits and I had a salad! Vegetables tasted soooo good! And guess what? I didn't get sick! More proof that my faith was good enough! I was actually able to go for a couple of weeks without any serious problems. I got sick once or twice, but holy cow! Twice in two weeks I could handle!

One night a couple of weeks after our return from Iowa I was at my fiance's grandmother's house. I hadn't been feeling right all night long and I wanted him to take me home. Before we could get away from her house, I started having pains again. The same kind of pains that I had in Iowa when I went to the ER. They weren't quite as bad this time, but it was rough. I got home, laid down, and my dad, for lack of knowing what else to do, gave me an ammonia inhalent (my family is a huge believer in these things--they'll get rid of nausea so fast you'd think it was a miracle!). It actually worked. My mom got on the phone and called our family physician at home, asking him what she should do. He called me in a Rx for phenergran and told me to come in to see him in the morning.

The next morning, I went in to see the doc, and asked him if he would order an ultrasound for me to check my gallbladder. He wouldn't do it. He echoed the same words of the ER doc, saying that I was too young to be having problems with my gallbladder. Instead, he pushed around on my stomach (yowsers! I didn't realize it was so sore to the touch!) and diagnosed me with a nervous stomach. (Huh!?) He said that my stomach was literally in knots that needed to be worked out via alternative methods of health care. He then had me come in three times a week and he would have me lay on my back and grab one leg at a time and move them around all funny. I'm glad I'm flexible. My knee would be at my head, and then my leg would be moving around in circles really quickly. It was really weird, and it hurt, but I wasn't having any other issues with my assumed gallbladder pain, so I was okay with it.

Later on in the summer, we took a family vacation down to Gulf Shores, Alabama. We had made this trip many, many, many times before and we always drive. We had followed our normal routine of leaving at around 3am and stopping outside of Birmingham for breakfast at Cracker Barrel. After breakfast it hit me again. Luckily, my dad has some ammonia inhalents in the car (I told you we were a firm believer in these things) and it went away. It led to a very tense "vacation." I had to always make sure that the inhalents were with me and my parents were always worried about when it would hit me next.

I started having some faith issues. I was wondering why, if God said that He would heal me, He wouldn't heal me. I didn't doubt Him, but I was wondering what in the heck I had done to deserve this. I wasn't very vocal about these issues, but they were there. I kept trying to rationalize saying, "He has a plan," but that doesn't do too much to answer the question about why I'm not good enough for healing.


At 11:19 AM, Blogger Tony Arnold said...

I appreciate you expressing all those thoughts we have about our faith and God when things are going rough. Irrational, rational, doesn't matter we all have them. But we rarely discuss them.



At 5:52 AM, Blogger Greg Morris said...

It's hard for us to grab ahold of the 'God's ways aren't our ways' principle. In the middle of life's most horrific curve balls Romans 8:28 doesn't quite seem to make sense. I often wish that God would share his 'game-plan' with me - I wish he would just clue me in on a little of His plan. I don't want to know everything I just want to understand why the direction I find myself on sometimes makes no sense to me yet is probably exactly where He wanted me. He doesn't share with me... He has a good reason... He wants me to trust Him - to have faith in Him. When Jesus sent the disciples out in the boat across the Sea of Galilee I imagine, just a little while later, they were suprised to find themselves smack-dab in the middle of that storm - I mean, after all, Jesus had SENT them out there... He sent them INTO the storm.
I don't know you and I don't know your whole story but I believe God has an amazing plan for you and, despite what it may seem like sometimes, it is probaly a more awesome and amazing plan than you could ever have imagined.
Even in the midst of our most difficult challenges, even when it doesn't make sense to us in the moment, Romans 8:28 is true. Hang in there. God has His hand on you and His plan for you is going to be unbelievable!
Greg <><

At 8:27 AM, Blogger CL said...

Great post, I am really enjoying your sharing in this way. God bless!


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